Masculinity in Review
“Power without restraint is destruction.”
~ Dr. Eric Lullove
In this fifth interview of Intelligent Masculinity, I (Nick Paro) and Dr. Eric Lullove explore masculinity from a slightly different angle than before — as patience in action. Through reflections on Eric’s own experiences with fatherhood, medicine, loss, partnership, and self-regulation, we reframe strength as restraint, leadership as modeling, and accountability as an internal discipline rather than a performance for the public. Eric provides another dimension to intelligent masculinity — not through urgency or dominance; rather, a consistent, measured presence over time.
Masculinity as Measured Response, Not Reflex
One of Eric’s core ideas is his insistence that the best decision is sometimes no decision at all. Drawing from decades of life experience — and reinforced by his medical training — Eric reframes masculinity away from impulsivity and toward practiced patience. The ability to pause, process, and wait is not weakness — it is maturity.
Eric stands in direct opposition to fragile, reaction-based masculinity, which treats speed as strength and hesitation as failure. His masculinity is slower, calmer, and far more reliable.
From Aggressive Authority to Nurturing Leadership
Eric’s reflections on his father — and later on becoming his own role model after his father’s death — mark a significant evolution away from the old male authority structures. He names a realization many men reach too late: you do not need to be aggressive to be respected.
In his roles as physician, husband, stepfather, and father — Eric consciously chose to move away from the “aggressive male” archetype and toward the supportive, stabilizing presence. Patients don’t need domination — children don’t need fear — families don’t need volatility. This reframing positions masculinity as nourishing without being permissive — firm without being threatening.
Partnership as Emotional Grounding, Not Emotional Dumping
A recurring strength of our conversation is the clarity around partnership. Eric describes his wife not as an emotional crutch, but as an equal grounding force—someone he reflects with, not unloads onto. This is a subtle, yet important distinction which helps relationships evolve into partnerships.
It’s the difference between “you make me happy” and “you add to my happiness”.
Intelligent masculinity does not outsource emotional regulation onto others. It builds mutual containment, where both partners are responsible for their own emotional processing while supporting one another’s stability. This is masculinity that respects intimacy without dependency.
Patience as a Learned Skill
One of the most important lessons Eric demonstrates to us is that patience did not come naturally — it came late. Only after getting into his fifties has he begun to fully understand patience as: internal calm, strategic restraint, and emotional bandwidth management.
Rather than reacting to every stimulus — social media, politics, family conflict — Eric practices deliberate delay. A pause before the text. A breath before the response. A moment of wellness before judgment. This reinforces one of the critical themes for the overall series: impulse is not authenticity and regulation is not repression.
Men, Community, and Emotional Literacy
Building on some of the themes introduced by Sharad Swaney during his interview, Eric strongly emphasizes the idea of men needing other men. He reminds us of the necessity for male spaces where vulnerability is allowed — where men can cry, process, and be held accountable without ridicule. Eric argues that emotional isolation is one of the core failures of modern masculinity; whereas, intelligent masculinity is communal, not solitary.
Family, Time, and the Long View
The discussion of multigenerational family — spanning children to centenarians —adds another dimension to our discussion. Eric and my’s reflections make one thing clear: masculinity is not about optimizing youth. It is about stewarding continuity. A man’s legacy is not one of wealth or dominance — it is presence, memory, and values carried forward. Eric presents a lasting masculinity which counters the hyper-accelerated, consumption-driven masculinity pushed by our modern culture.
Intelligence as Integration, Not Suppression
When Eric defines intelligent masculinity, he resists a single sentence — and that resistance is instructive. For him, intelligent masculinity is: integration of yin and yang, use of intellect over impulse, strength without cruelty, and compassion without collapse. He rejects the false binary that empathy weakens masculinity. Instead, he argues that wholeness strengthens and completes it.
Modeling Over Messaging
As a physician, Eric delivers one of his most practical insights: you cannot tell people how to live if you refuse to live that way yourself. This applies to medicine, fatherhood, masculinity, and leadership alike. Intelligent masculinity is demonstrated, not declared. A man knows how to: own their decisions, own their failures, remove toxic influences, and accept consequences without resentment.
His clarity is uncompromising: adulthood begins when men stop blaming the world and start governing themselves.
“It’s nobody else’s life to live but yours.”
Where Dr. Eric Takes Us In Our Understanding of Intelligent Masculinity
This fifth discussion with Dr. Eric Lullove adds his unique layer of understanding to the previous discussions with Shane Yirak, Sharad Swaney, Lawrence Winnerman, and Walter Rhein — adding that:
Patience is a masculine discipline
Strength is measured, not loud
Leadership begins with self-regulation
Partnership requires mutual grounding
Accountability must be lived, not preached
Eric embodies a masculinity that is calm, deliberate, emotionally literate, and durable over time.
~Nick Paro
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Thank you Evan Fields, Stephanie G Wilson, PhD, Noble Blend, Cris, Assemblywoman Debra Mazzarelli, and many others for tuning into my live video with Eric Lullove and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app.
Nick’s Notes
I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!
~Nick Paro
