Masculinity in Review
You can be loved even as a flawed person.
~ Walter Rhein
In this 3rd interview for the Intelligent Masculinity series, I (Nick Paro) and Walter Rhein dive into a raw conversation about abuse, accountability, fatherhood, and the moral courage required to break generational trauma cycles. Through Walter’s personal storytelling and our reflective analysis, we further clarify that intelligent masculinity is not about perfection or dominance — it is about refusing to outsource accountability, setting immovable boundaries, and choosing not to pass harm forward.
This re-enforces the root concept of what we are finding intelligent masculinity to be, it is:
The refusal to outsource personal accountability onto others — and the discipline to live with the consequences of your values and actions.
Abuse, Denial, and the Cost of “Benefit of the Doubt”
Walter begins our discussion with a recounting of childhood abuse at the hands of his father — through a series of incidents framed as “accidents,” Walter highlights the failing of fragile masculinity: harm followed by denial, justification, and the demand that others collude in the lie.
The recurring excuse — “I didn’t intend to hurt you” — becomes a recurring moral failure. The excuse of intent is used as a shield against accountability; which becomes a shield for protecting a system of abuse. Walter raises an important challenge to the reflexive impulse — “give the benefit of the doubt” — even when there is no doubt or benefit to give.
He names this instinct plainly: when applied uncritically, it enables abuse, reinforces hierarchy, and protects power rather than people. Intelligent masculinity refuses that bargain.
Accountability Without Escape Clauses
A defining moment of the conversation is the shared rejection of intent-based morality.
My framing, thanks to Yoda — “Do or do not. There is no try” — is a simple ethical standard. If harm occurs, accountability follows. Period. Full stop.
I see this interview as an expansion of a foundational theme within these discussions:
You are responsible for the consequences of your actions, not just the story you tell yourself about them.
Walter’s refusal to accept a narrative based on a lie from his father is not from a place of bitterness — it is from moral clarity and self-worth. Healing cannot begin until truth is acknowledged — where apologies are the entry point to repair.
Breaking the Cycle: Fatherhood as Moral Choice
Walter’s experiences have allowed him to make the conscious decision to parent differently — to never draw blood, to never excuse recklessness, to never hide behind denial — is one of the clearest examples of intelligent masculinity in action. This is a masculinity defined not by our sufferings, but by what we refuse to pass on to ourselves or the next generation.
Walter makes a subtle, but very important point: children remember. They internalize more than just our actions — they internalize how we, as adults, respond to our own mistakes. Walter’s willingness to apologize to his children, to name wrongdoing plainly, is a conscious choice to living as the counter-example to the model he was given.
Masculinity Without Mythology
Walter then gives us a sharp analysis of ego-driven masculinity. He describes and breaks down the constructs around fragile, heroic self-myths — the demand that others deny reality to preserve our own.
When accountability threatens the myth, the response is escalation: gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and coercion.
Walter and I land on a clear conclusion: Masculinity collapses when it requires other people to abandon reality on your behalf. True strength — of character, of morals, of values — by contrast, survives exposure and consequences.
Reflection, Repair, and the Practice of Saying “I’m Sorry”
One of the most constructive sections of the conversation is Walter’s practical model for self-reflection and conflict repair.
By identifying his own share of wrongdoing — no matter how small — and apologizing without qualification, Walter discovered a powerful sorting mechanism: there are people capable of accountability reciprocate — an apology that leads to mutual growth — while the people invested in domination reveal themselves for who they are.
This practice transforms an apology from submission into opening the door to mutual clarity — “I’m sorry” becomes an act of strength, not weakness — because it is voluntary, honest, and grounded in self-respect.
Where Walter Takes Us In Our Understanding of Masculinity
This fourth discussion with Walter Rhein adds another layer to the previous discussions with Shane Yirak, Sharad Swaney, and Lawrence Winnerman — building on the powerful ideas that:
Accountability matters more than intent
Truth is the foundation for healing
An apology opens the door to mutual clarity
Breaking generation traumas is a masculine responsibility
Walter embodies an accountable masculinity based on reflection, emotional liberation, and being unafraid of truth.
~Nick Paro
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Thank you Evan Fields, Beth Cruz, Jed, Cheryl Beck-Ruff, Kathy Smith, and many others for tuning into my live video with Walter Rhein and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app.
Nick’s Notes
I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!
~Nick Paro
